Three of these things belong together, three of these things are kinda the same, but guess which kid is doing his own thing... yeah I'll stop that right now. Anyway, pictured above is Matt McKee, Sam Luce, and Jonathan "Puppet Ministry" Cliff. They're all in children's ministry even though there is no fanny packs pictured! Of course I'm living out the stereotype with the Charlie Hall goat going on.
Last year we were a part of the blogger's bar at the Orange Conference. On the way from the hotel one morning I started a conversation with Cliff about collaboration and children's ministry.
We didn't get to finish the conversation but at least for that car ride to the conference it began to birth some thoughts.
This morning I'm reflecting on that and I've been wanting to do a post on things every Children's Director should know coming from the mouth of a Student Director. The hope is that some energy can be created to birth convo and thinking.
THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW...
1. We both are chasing after the same things. You love the kids and families that we both serve. If you do wear a fanny pack I would still love what you do.
2. We both serve the same Lord and Saviour. We are pushing students and kids toward Jesus. I hope you know that's what we're doing with the Call of Duty game night.
3. We're both busy people and it's hard to carve out time and energy for anything other than our families and what's right in front of us with our responsibility.
4. You and I hate to hear from each other when it's only because we need something that the other has. That always seems dirty... doesn't it?
5. We both worry about each other's motives and intentions.
6. We both make mistakes and are short of perfection.
7. We don't avoid each other because we want to. It's easy for us to believe that if we don't talk about the problem there is no problem or I'm okay you're okay.
8. Our handoffs are awkward only because the switch that is flipped usually turns toward method and style of programming.
9. You think we are irresponsible and reckless we think you're over protective and hyper sensitive.
10. We want your line items you want our people or vice versa.
11. Your parents are interested ours begin to vacate the premises.
12. We think we're cool cause we're on mission you think we're slipshod because we don't do discipleship.
But wait a second... everything was true about us up until about number seven. I mean I don't know what your budget is and I'm sure that even if it was more than mine the risks you take and the margin to work with creates the same tension and hardships as the one I have. And you're not hyper-sensitive or over protective just like I'm not the leader of a local gang. So what gives? What are the grey areas that divide us?
That being said, the fundamental thing that would make interaction, intentionality, and the fog go away could be as easy as thinking thru things from each other's point of view. Don't you wish everyone was the same? It would be awesome if there was a one stop shop fit all program for us. But there is not. Seriously. Unless you're "Church of the Robots."
Here is what I'm looking at in student ministry.
- Seriously fractured families. Divorce, intensity of work and friction on the home, absentee parenting, addiction, disruption.... fractured families.
- Biblically ignorant students. They don't want to be but they have bought into the lie of spirituality by association and pluralism runs their campus spirituality. They can't find a book in the Bible unless it's Genesis and they can't tell me who led the children of Israel out of Egypt.
- Intentionality. If it wasn't for relational ministry our kids would never unload their junk nor even be able to see what it looks like from the life of a leader to be a Christ follower in a broken world.
- Low expectations. They see themselves doing nothing or don't know what to do with opportunity to advance the Kingdom.
- They respond to love and truth. Yes, they still do and they eat it up.
- When they flip that switch in high school to follow Jesus with everything they have and everything they've got it's amazing.
- There is like a pendulum swing. A whole population that you raised in the Children's area does this universal reset.
Here is how the reset occurs...
1. Middle school families feeling the pressure to start creating energy for their kids to succeed in life start taking greater stock in school activities, clubs, and groups and oddly enough less stock in church.
2. Middle school families begin to believe that their child needs to start making their own decisions and instead of teaching them how to do so they let them discover on their own. This begins a slow disengagement of mom and dad from parenting. We become mom and dad not for all of the famillies but seriously a lot of them. P.S. I don't feed on that or want it... trust me.
3. By the time I get them half of them have experienced or are going to experience divorce. They go back and forth every weekend to mom then dad. If you would have had them for 52 weeks you now only have them for 26 and most of the time not even that much. They literally live dualistic lives operating with two different sets of values and connections.
4. They are attacked and pulled toward sin in 4th and 5th grade in ways that happened for the first time with me when I was in high school.
5. They really need a middle school styled program at least by 5th grade now instead of 6th or 7th depending on your school district.
6. They have zero conversations with their family about God.
7. Let's be honest, families don't stay in one place anymore. Why are we building a strategy around the assumption that we have a kid that long? I look at our program and have to wrestle with the continual 40-50% of the students who are coming to a religious experience for the first time ever. Just explain your thinking that's all. And what is my responsibility for the kids we're only going to have for two years?
There are probably more but instead of spitting more words out I would much rather hear from some Children's Leaders.
WHAT DO YOU SEE? GOOD? BAD? UGLY?
WHAT FRUSTRATED YOU? EXCITED YOU?
WHAT STRIKES YOU AS CRAZY OF US AS STUDENT LEADERS?
HOW ARE WE SCREWING UP YOUR KIDS?
YES.... YOU WANT TO HIT THAT COMMENT BOX.
Maybe as we get the junk out we can have real dialogue about it.
8 comments:
Chad,
I've always appreciated your perspective and thoughts. So, don't expect a throwdown here. Here are my responses...
I see parents that are bought into the idea that sports and education that they pursue these things as early as local programs allow. Disillusioned by the idea that these will make their quality of life better. I see parents investing time, money and other resources into their kids hoping they will succeed in ways their parents never could. As they see their child fail, they become disillusioned. By the time you get them, they've checked out. They've done all that they can do. Let the teachers and youth pastor deal with them now.
I see parents that simply don't know that they're goal is to raise a child that loves Jesus... not one that's outstanding at football.
As far as the questions regarding Student Leaders, my experience has generally been positive. There was only one season where I didn't trust my Youth Pastor b/c his only measurement for youth activities was how it rated on the 'cool' factor. I thought that was sad. But he didn't last. Since then the Youth Pastors I've worked with had integrity I want to see in my own kids. That makes it easy to lead them into the Youth Ministry.
Reality is... we all need to have an encounter with God to know Him as our very source of Life. That encounter can happen in the high school years. And when it does... there isn't anything they're not willing to sacrifice in order to pursue Christ. It's amazing.
Gina... great points.
I know that youth pastor. For a season of my life he didn't know how to connect a student with Jesus by just creating environments for caring adults to thrive in. I think he felt like, "If you build it they will figure it out." Nobody asked him any questions or wanted to see for themselves what was going on at that event.
The only time he got a call was when attendance was down. The easiest way for him to pump the attendance up was to set himself on fire so people would come and watch.
That being said, there are maybe other reasons why that guy/girl may only care about cool factor but at least for my friend it seemed to work.
What changed for my friend was having a child of his own, asking Christ, to help him see the students the way Christ did, and then finding the joy in raising up students who were independent self initiating Christ followers.
The hardest part for youth leaders is that they can count on one hand in a 2-3 year span the number of times someone ask them what their plan is.
I would ask that leader as a parent, "What part of your program will push my child toward Jesus?"
There's more I'm sure. Tell McCarter and Anna I said hello :)
So I was fat in that picture. Thanks for the reminder.
Also thanks for the reminder that the strategy for student ministry and children ministry to work together has to start with honest conversation. It's not that if a children's pastor and a youth pastor are touchy feely and get along that they have a great ministry to the entire family.
I think the goal is to remember that we are not just called to reach the person who happens to sit in front of us (ie students or children) but to be so effective that it reaches the rest of the family as well.
So I was skinny in the picture... oh wait. I'm still skinny.
Great thoughts and I love to hear your angle. I've made great strides to work closer with my Jr. High pastor to help in the transition, but it's still a obstacle. Kind of a one-way street of relationship with me doing all the work, and me trying to overcome their perception of what they "expect" me to be.
I could tell you stories...
I did a blog post last year on a note to my Youth Pastor. Read it?
http://youthminblog.com/2009/05/dear-youth-pastor/
Matthew :)
It's all about the questions.... deconstruct it for sure.
cliff's notes...
i read it and it was delicious. i think in my head that you guys probably have the most intensity for burden because you had these kids literally from birth and there is probably much more ownership for you than for us. that is not to say we don't care but i know you're handing over your carefully cared for 5th or 6th grader. i know my 8yr old has an incredible small group leader who wants the best for cameron and would be pretty upset if the ms program was slipshod or indifferent
- There is like a pendulum swing. A whole population that you raised in the Children's area does this universal reset.
I see this and don't know why it happens.
Is there something we can be doing in children's ministry that would create a stronger foundation?
Should we be waiting to encourage baptism or similiar faith commitment?
What are your thoughts about the before 12 arguement?
- There is like a pendulum swing. A whole population that you raised in the Children's area does this universal reset.
What does this mean? Not sure what you are saying here, felt lost on this?
I liked your point on #7 best. Not only do our families move around a lot, and church hop, and have shared custody, and have sloppy attendance patterns, but probably like yours, we have new families coming to our church every single week.
Although I personally am always thinking long-term in strategy, as a curriculum developer, I am also thinking about each and every lesson that may be a kid's first or their last or their only. This also ties to your points about what students don't know when they come to you. Of course they've had the same crappy attendance patterns all along probably.
Thanks for sharing your perspective. I know I remember seeing you at Orange but I can't recall for sure if we met. And, just so you know, I get to go round and round with McCarter on a weekly basis now. I'm working on a diabolical scheme to win him over though. :)
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